On The Lighter Side

I reached a milestone today, a milestone I have kept carefully hidden in the back of my mind. It was one of those things one dare not think about, at least not to the point of dwelling, certainly not to the point of hoping lest it be crushed under the weight of arrogant certainty. When I thought of it, I thought of it in whispers, if such a thing is possible, afraid to hear the whole thing completely, afraid it would suddenly take form and reveal itself as a commitment, a promise to myself and others, a promise I had failed to keep a thousand million times before. But today I reached that milestone and I am ready to reveal it.

A month ago I started on a Physician supervised weight loss program at Scottsdale Weight Loss Center. You can check them out here: http://www.scottsdaleweightloss.com/

For eight years I have hovered around 400 pounds, give or take 25. I have made hundreds of halfhearted attempts to gain control over my eating, to no avail. I would likely still be getting nowhere had 2010 not been a “do I have your attention” year for me physically. Blood pressure barely under control, edema in my legs, a gallbladder attack in November, my first fasting blood sugar reading in the Type II Diabetes range and more, all screaming I was out of time. I was wearing down and my body was wearing out. I looked ahead and saw the road ending before my journey was over. There was too much left to experience. I decided to get help and after some research called the folks at Scottsdale Weight Loss Center.

I had the blood work and first weigh-in on December 17, 2010; 416 pounds. I started the program on January 7th. (I had to have at least one more rack of Claxon’s hand rubbed ribs!) On January 6th, I had a 40 minute session with Dr. Rob Ziltzer and decided on the 1,500 calorie per day, Full-Meal Replacement plan using Optifast shakes, bars and soups. Optifast worked for me in 2000 and 2001 when I lost 185 pounds and Dr. Ziitzer’s plan also allows salad greens and a frozen entrée in place of an Optifast. (It’s amazing how much one can look forward to Salisbury Steak and Asparagus!)

Since that initial weigh-in I have lost 37 pounds and have begun to believe that I will make it this time. I have tasted success and it tastes wonderful!

In the past month, I have had my shakes, soups and bars, spinach, cucumbers, lettuce, celery and a tomato here and there. That amazes me. But even more amazing is what I have NOT had. No burgers, fries, pizza, bread, bologna, pasta, chips, Twinkies or Ding Dongs have passed my lips; not so much as a crumb. To be fair, my apartment is so void of food I imagine any varmints that might have been around have moved to more fertile ground. Even so, I haven’t forgotten where all those fast food joints are and I remember the phone number to Pizza Hut. For these last four weeks I have taken control of what goes in my mouth and I have to say, it feels powerful!

I am still seriously messed up and there is a lot of weight yet to lose. But I am committed to working the program and on the problems. I have had counseling before to try and sort through the debris, but they were all skinny men who couldn’t gain an ounce if they ate a train load of ice cream. Thankfully, I found Dr. Lisa Galper, a specialist in eating disorders who works with The Center. She became a specialist because she battled the same things I battle now, losing over one hundred pounds and keeping it off for years. She knows what it is like to be an emotional prisoner locked in an all-you-can-eat buffet. But what’s more, she got out. With her help, I will learn how to cope without food.

I am further blessed with an accountability partner, my dear friend Jeff. He suffers as I do. Though ten years my junior, his knees are already giving him trouble. Not a good sign. We text each other as we eat something. So, before something goes in the mouth, I know I will have to text that to him. It helps and the texting record provides a nice archive.

Please pray for me. There is a lot I would like to do in real life that needs a thinner, physically fit Billie to avoid dropping dead in the act. The people I am working with now are great and now that you know, you can hold me accountable as well. This is the most important thing in my life right now; I welcome all the help I can get. I will keep you posted. (Pun intended!)

Take Care,
Billie