J Crew Flap Has Me Seeing...Pink

Incredibly, I was given the rare opportunity to take a pink…I mean peek into the future and glimpsed the following headlines:

Seventy-fifth Infant Male Dies in Tokyo Hospital
Doctors rule out radioactive poisoning, blame pink toenails.

Huge Spike in US Unemployment Rate Recorded
Moms staying home to paint boy toenails pink gets the blame.

Terrorist Threat Highest since 9/11/2001
Bin Laden: “Mom shouldn’t have painted my toenails pink!”

Health and Human Services Bans Male Sandals
Illusion of paint free masculine toes must be maintained.

TSA To Screen for Pink Toenails on Male Airline Passengers
Girlie men a rising threat to National Security.

Congress Moves to Ban Gender Benders
Majority Leader: "Boys will be boys g'damnit or there's hell to pay.  The only legal bender in this country will include lots of booze and not that purple hooter shooter crap neither."

President Glen Beck Executive Order Bans Pink Nail Polish on Anything Male
“Boys are about snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, damnit!”  Ban on boy Poodles still being debated.

Acetone in Short Supply
Fearful Fathers looking for more than toe jam on young sons.

Deficit and Medicare Expenses Soar
Government prepares for onslaught of Post Pink Toe Stress Disorder (PPTSD).  CDC:  "We're seeing a big increase in the number of little piggies crying wee, wee, wee all the way home."

I just thank the Lord above that the media in America is on this important story and has not been fooled into covering silly shit like the budget, taxes, war, poisonous reactors or poverty.

Let’s all praise the Fourth Estate; they are obviously in the pink.

Take Care,
Billie