Vaya Con Dios

I saw something today that delivered a right cross square on my jaw and knocked me lower than the Dead Sea. I have been in an emotional nose dive for a couple of weeks now, so it only took a moment for this to speed the descent.

It should not have affected me so. My reaction was most probably an over-reaction. There is no knowing if malice was intended. Maybe it wasn’t because I had decided to live as a woman, but a dozen other, unrelated reasons. Perhaps it was expediency, maybe forgetfulness or perhaps I had misjudged this person all along. Only the author of the deed knows for sure. Still, it got to me.

It’s been three years since I came out. It is unfortunate that we live in a society and time that is filled with mistrust and hate. It was mistrust and hate I feared enough that I kept to myself. It is mistrust and fear that drive some to call me liar and fraud. The best among us seek to bridge that divide. I have done what I can with the rest.

The past is hard to cut loose; especially when the events, places and people hold special meaning. I have wanted to restore the damaged relationships so those memories might be shared. But my decision brought out the disease in some of those people and it is time for me to move on; for my own good, for my own wellness. I can do nothing with them or for them. As it is, a restoration was only important to me thus my departure won’t even be noticed.

These people are no more or less flawed than I. I do not condemn them. I have simply come to the point where I have no use for them and no need of them.

Good-bye

Billie